Im only up when you're not down.

09.50pm 03 Jan, I held back my tears.
10.11pm 03Jan, I held back my tears.
10.40pm 03Jan, I held back my years.

04.03am 04Jan, I held back my tears.
04.26am 04Jan, I don't wna hold them back anymore..


Why is there so many things that you can and I can't?
Why?

Ans me..
Im wearing out..

I see no point in trying so hard to adjust my mood and lying to myself that everything's gonna be okay, I can't be happy if you're not.

:}

I miss my babyboy,
so Im gonna pick up my phone and dial ******** ,
and " turrre tuurre ttuuurre" ,
then hear baby boy ans "Hello?" with his sexy voice,

Hahahahaha.

He sure say call me for what one.
Bet with you guys, wait I call now........... gaaa.


Back!


Sian lost the bet.
In the end he say, "Eh eh this one impt, later call u back!"

Walaowaywayway.

He watching god of gamblers btw.
Chicccccccccc-ken.

It's in every women.

Today/yesterday was superb!
Met meixin xin xin and her bear boyfriend late cause' my dear pig was unwell and over slept.
But forgive, forgave (:

Was suppose to meet meixin and zx at mac pick up point but it rained,
and so they wenta fetch deardeer first and went over to pick me up at mac.
Brought twister fries and up up and away to queensway in zx's van.

Xin jie brought her sports shoe and then we wenta makan at abc food court or something?
Then wenta Ikeaaaa~
Waaaa, my dream house~
HAHAHA.

Was disturbing babyboy all along when we're in there.

"Eh eh! Next time our house I want this that this that!"
"Wa this one when quarrel good sia, the door won't slam, sure funny one!"
"This bed high not good, later if kids wna sleep with us how? They sure fall and die."

Hahahaha, what only.


Then back to yishun at about 10?
Slacked awhile and went home, nothing better to do alrdy.
Tmr going down to suntec with baby.

Hopefully sales still on, pray~


k pictures below, bye!

Happily buttering raw stinky prawns with my tender hands.

& mr oh love to take unglam pictures of me, very nice.
Hahahaha, evidences below!



He call this artistic, hahahaha.
How cute is my boy huh.



Fat and red.



Distorted.



Retarded.

& finally something better,



Wide smile cause' a table full of good food makes a girl happpyyyy.
Hahahaha.

Like meixin's boyfriend, mine cam whore too.
HAHAHA.

Guys! If your girlfriend is a regular blogger and you love her alot,
Take random crazy snap shots of yourself so she'll have your silly faces to post in blog.
Yeap, my boyfriend love me that much.

GAAAAAAAAAAAAA-



OOOooOoOoooOoo.



EhhHHhhhHh.



Geeeeeee-
[Tourist trademark]



HmmmmmmMMMmmEeEe.



YeEEeeeeeEE-



Peace!



My boyf cunning, keep wna make me melt.
HAHAHA.



AWWWWWWWW*
MELTS*



Happy boy.



Happy girl.



Prawns up! So must show off.



LOOK AT MY TRAY FULL OF PRAWNS AND DROOL! HAHAHA.



Look at the tray to drool ah, not my boyfriend okay.
Understand? Understood. Okay.

GAAAAA-



Ham love Cac, Cac love prawns.
JOKING :D

CAC LOVE HAM ONLY.
HAHA.

Okay la, tryna make post longer so type excessive things like how I love the prawns.
LALALA.









Harmful to earth much.



After bbq wenta wash up and chilled at the bench near the toilet.



Aww.
Ignore my pimple.









When boyf got tired of taking pictures let him rest,









But don't stop cam whoring.
Seize the moment know, haha.

Then when boyf's done resting, he'll come back (:









That's my boy~

cabbed over to 600plus afterwards,



While waiting for boyfriend snap his staircase.





Last two above taken in the morning.
Love!


k bye.

A great start for a great year (:

Okey dokey, pictures taken during count down up!
Half of it only, hahahaha.

So I had the greatest countdown since the past few years with my dearest babyboy.
Yeap, just the two of us but it was a blast!
Met at about 6 or 7? I forgotten :x

& head over to safra for billard.
Then we wenta 800plus for 'zi char' and brought bbq stuffs!
In the end can't find charcoal so have to go all the way back to 600plus to get em.
HAHA, SMART EH?

Brought charcoal and water then cab over to lower seletar, jetty.
Set up, start fire, phew.
Sweat sweat sweat, Imma pro fire starter okay.
HEH.


Had tiger prawns! Yeap, yums*
$15 dollars worth of prawns, sibei shiok.
Didn't feel that I was enough though.... HAHAHA.

And had chicken wings, Imma good cook too.
HAHAHA.

Okay whatever.
Yeap counted down at jetty, just the two of us.
Not as merry but still very heart warming (:

After bbq we chilled at jetty for a short while then cab over to 600plus.
Baby went home to get liqour and brought poker.
Went over to our safra hot spot and poker-ed and drank.

Seriously Im getting sick of liqour taste :x
Hahahaha.


Till morning we change place to chill then wenta billard at 10.35am.
Yeap, early birds.
After billard went home, slept.

When I woke up, met baby for awhile to buy cigs.
Then he went off and I went home with serious cramps.
I can't even walk straight, wtf.


Cramp till I vomit -.-
No link.. but yea.

Then went back to bed feeling oh-so bad.
Slept till the next day, which is today/yesterday.
Yeap, I slept damn longgggggggggggg.

Met bee in the afternoon, wenta billard & pool.
After that went outta pool room, yul texted and asked if wna pool.
Haha, what a nice timing.

So bee and I wenta makan and met yul at 4.15 at safra.
Pooled and billard again.


Then went home bathe, wenta 400plus.
My sports boy wna basketball-ed.
Slacked after bball and homed.


Now my lovely's deeeeeply asleep, hahaha.
Awww, Im so in love with my cute small head boy.
Melts*

Okay I'd better got to bed soon too, tomorrow meeting deardeer's dad for billard in the morning. Meeting meixin xin afterwards! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~
Bye!

Above all at my house stairs.

Then we traveled over to safra by legs.



Above, after billard.


Below: If you love yourself, cam-whore.















Yeap, Im totally in love with myself.
& if you love your boyfriend, cam-whore with him, HAHA.





















I think I needa change my bad habit of disturbing babyboy with my camera whenever he's on the phone, if not one day he'll take his phone and stuff it into my head. Hahahaha.



Then I'll look even uglier than this.


After that wenta 800plus, makan and brought stuffs for bbq!
Then jetty-ed and set up!

BBQ!



DE-LI-CIOUS prawns.



See his face know he can't wait to eat alrdy, haha.



& my very very red face.



Emmmmm~





Very pale looking chicken.









Doubtful look on his face, ahahaha.













H.A.P.P.Y!







Hahaha, and the best stupid face award foes to............
MR OH QI XIANG! hahahaha :D

Don't worry, I love you still.
GAAAAA-





Limited resources, so gotta make prawns butter-ish this way.
Cute and innovative right!
I know.


Hahahaha, k extremely tired.
Bye!

Sup yo!

Just woke up and currently waiting for mummy to buy back tomyummmm for me (:
Suppose to go meet granny but guess not today, woke up late :x


Anyways people!

HAPPY 2010 IN ADVANCE!

2009 wasn't a good year but 2010 will be a better year.
After 12mn, lets all clear our sorrows and cheers for happiness coming to us in 2010!
Look back at the year and realise how much we've grown, how much we've been through and how much we appreciate that we're still with or still have the ones we love.

HAPPY NEW YEAR PEOPLE :D

And I love you babyboyboyboy :D
HAPPY NEW YEAR TO US, love!

I guess?

Okayokay, life's getting better. So is ham and I.
He's kinder and a little back to his matured self again, weee-

Or perhaps he suddenly realise that Im actually still very pretty and gorgeous thats why.
CHEEZ.
Im hungry.......................

Countdown to newyear with ham tomorrow.
Gonna visit granny first.
(:


Today's course was okay.
Kinda fun, perhaps cause' it was only training, no serious work. Thats why.
:x

But oh well.
After course wenta Tamp. Mac makan.
Then bus-ed back to yishun to 600plus.

Went up hammeo's house, met granny.
Ate the noodles she cooked and wenta safra for billard afterwards.
Then went back home and ham came up for movie again.

But sad truth he fall asleepy AGAIN also, hahaha.
So actually Im the only one watching laaa, sad hor.
HAHA.


Okay v hungry.
Gotta go find foooooood! Bye!
Staying out tomorrow night again, omy my dark eye rings..................

I guess things just changes over time.

Cradle me and love me like Im your precious jewel like how you use to..

Im sick of having little little tiffs with babyboy again and again.
Perhaps Im the one who triggered, perhpas Im the one who was aggressive.
But I know Im not the only one to blame..

Hopefully our tiffs-period would end soon.
Love you baby boy.
-

Today/yesterday was average.
We had a terrible argument yesterday hence things were pretty ugly today.
But somehow it was solved we met at about 7pm?

Then went over to 400plus to get my shoes for work and to yishun park.
Disturbed each other but it somehow feels weird, barrier much.
Perhaps Im sensitive but yea.

Wenta billard with weijie afterwards.


Homed at about 12.



Tomorrow gotta wake up early for course.
Gonna meet ham at 8am.

Tomorrow will be a better day, cause' it's a must.

I can't wait for your return....

-

I chose to believe in us, in you, in me.


But you couldn't.. & I can't really do anything else.
I won't stop here, I'll stand.
I hope Im strong enough to hold all of us.


It stings alittle in the left chest but I couldn't care more.
As long as it still feels, it's gonna be okay.

I just need and want you to be happy, as long as you are,
I don't care even if my heart was to be dug out.
Your happiness is what's most precious yet I can't seem to provide.

Sorry, I guess I failed...


-

Don't be a walking contridict.

Sometimes when people get overwhelmed by emotions,
they just can't really remember what they've said or behave.
It's in everyone, we're born with it. Everybody fights for their rights, who doesn't?

It's not wrong to fight for own rights.
Not wrong for you and not wrong for me.
But at least dont seek to label.

Dont ask questions with an answer in you.
That's not the way.

People use questions to find answers.

-




Life is mean.
But Im no push over.
Fuck you life.

Just when Im finally happier you gotta do this fucking shit to me.
I know life isn't fair, I got it alright.
So stop being a meanie and pick on me, time and again.


If just 5hours of happiness needs to be exchanged with 10hours of unhappiness,
I'd rather not to be happy.
At least I won't be sad.

It's a better deal that way.


I hate this blog to be depressing.
& I hate it even more when I become emotionless cause' Im worn out.
Life is a bitch.

& the only way to tame you is to remove your mean dog territory in me so that you've no choice but to go pee at some other place.
So I'll stand my ground, push me all you want.
I'll be standing strong.

_l_

Life, I bet with you, I'll have a better day.
& you wouldn't push me down cause' you couldn't.

Scram sadness, frustrations, anger, disappointments and whatever displeasures.
You're not welcome.

I welcome happiness to my life only.





I had enough of letting life push me down.
Im gonna be the happy girl I am, I was happy on 18th may.

& I'll be happy till my last 18th may 80years down the road.

Im happy then & I will be happier now and for the future.


We were happy then, and we'll be happier as days pass.



So negatives, fuck off.
Boyf's here to save the day.

Pictures during christmas countdown!

Okay so today/yesterday was alright.
Met deeardeer early some job thingy, surprised him with a cake I baked yesterday.
SEHSEH, JIAYI SIA.

Where to find sucha good girlfriend? Don't understand sia.
Hahahahahaha!
I also manged to surprise baby with a Man-U jersey which he longed for and 3 CDs with surprise videos in them.

Yeap, all for my dearest birthday boy!
AWWW, IM SO SWEET. hahahahahah!

After surprise, wenta Marina square.
Was suppose to go for course today at Changi but figured out that there wouldn't be enough time.
So skipped it and gonna attend it on wednesday instead.
10am-1pm at changi siaaaa, omg.

After job thingy wenta chill at 'cafe'.
Had white coffee as intro-ed by sis.

Slacked and back to yishun.
Billard and pool-ed.

Then wenta 600plus, baby brought food down.
Granny told bee that she haven't seen me for about a month alrdy, awww.
But I still haven't went up laa, very bad I know.

:x


After that went home :D
Was planning for a movie marathon but both of us extremely tired, yawns*
Was watching hangover when baby fall asleep halfway, hahaha.

& he woke up only when the show was ending.
HAHAHA.
What a timing.

Downstairs-ed aftewards, and went home.
Now duper tired but baby wna meet so Im keeping myself awake.
Plans for tomorrow.......................................... gonna discuss later on.


Now, pictures!

On the way to Orchard.


Babyboy!


Yeap, I changed my clothes.
Cause' my spag top was hungry and decided to grab some chilli sauce, cheez.
In the end have to buy a new top.









Camera kinda spoilt.


Who's that lovely behind me huh, haha.


CROWDS, SCREAM!


While finding perry and co.




I realise I loveeeeee disturbing baby when he's on the phone (:








Don't stress ahhh.






Stuck in the crowd, so take pictures uh.




Love!


Escaped from crowds! WOAH, FINALLY.














Train to geylang.


Zi char at geylang.


That's all, bye! :D
Ps. I know this blog post's words are like........ZZzzZ....... but bear with it uh.
Really tired to post well, just rushing it.
HAHAH.

Walk with caution.

Okay, so I've decided that I should really be fair to dearest.
So I figured out that I should post a proper post about his birthday no matter how bad Im feelin'.

First we countdown to 12 at my house downstairs on the 25th.
Then on 26th we met at........... 5 I think?
Cause' we both overslept.. Zzz.

Met and wenta AMK hub, caught 'Sherlock homes".
DAMN NICE.
Damn those smart people cause' they are like damn cool, Tmd.

After movies wenta Jalan kayu makan zi char, SHIOK.
Had oat prawns, sambal kangkong, claypot toufu, egg.
Eat until stomach wna explode still cannot stop cause alot of food, hahaha.


After that brought liqour & went back to yishun to meet perry and co.
Went OCC, guys billard.
Then at 3am wenta lower seletar, chilled and played cards with dearie.

Win much, lost much too.
Hahahaha.
Drank till Im gross out so stopped.

After that dearie kept the cups from perry and co.
Funny scene.


Went 400plus at about 6am plus.
Makaned and wenta yishun park, just the two of us.
WEEE, FINALLY.

Then chilled and about 8am went home.
Slept.

That's about it.
Happy birthday babybabybaby boy!
Love you!

After movies outside amk.








Foolin' around with the christmas treee.


Love!





Cabbed to Jalan kayu afterwards.


Happy boy wna eat.




Hungry birthday boy.


"God, Im hungry..."




FOOD! Before.


After, shiiiiiiiiiiiiok.



Bye.

So down..

Snap shot when I saw bestie at orchard during x'mas eve.

I had perhaps the worse days the past few days minus some really sweet moments with dear.
But some parts were really worth to run home and lock yourself up kinda moments.
Somehow it hasn't got better.

Been 3days.
Im kinda.. forget it..


Been really really down.. Really..
& today dear got the wrong idea of what I've said which didn't help..
It just made me feel worse.

Tried to explain really hard, hope things would get better.
Really hope.

Im tired of looking down, pulling a face, finding it hard to even smile.
I wna get back to my old self, and I hope dear would help me.
Dont wna get push down.


Hopefully.. Seriously only can hope.


I'll get back to a proper post when Im feeling better.
Bye all.

I love you babyboy, hope we'll get better.
Hopefully soon...

I worth more.

It suck to feel like just a spare.


So so heavy hearted.





/update

As much as I wna be optimistic,
I really can't when the day was so bad that I really really had the intention to just run to the lift, press 12, go out and jump off.

Serious, instantly.


& now I just wish that I wouldn't have those thoughts coming like a wild horse.
I wna live on for what's worth.
So depressing thoughts, get out of my head.
You're not welcome.

I've got a birthday to celebrate later on so get out now.

Im afraid..
Afraid of disappointments.

Let the air out, nope not a fart.

There's this sickening feeling that's taking over me.
Making me really really uneasy and all bad things you can name.

I feel like having another round of crying that could save a drought.
But my eyes are still swollen and heavy and it would really suck to cry again.
Is there any other way to let your frustrations out? Let me see....

1. Shout/Scream

Ya, at 2.06am. Shout and scream out of the window of my 5th floor flat IN SINGAPORE.
Very smart, most likely there would be loud knockings after fifteen mins from either 1, neighbours 2, police.


2. Whack and kick or throw everything around

It comes in a package.
1st wake parents up and there will round 2 of loud noises.
Secondly refer to point one's second sentence, "Knock, knock, knock."


3. Drown myself with ice cream

Sounds good but there's only ice cubes in my freezer.
WHAT A SIN!


4. Doodle really hard making sure that the paper Im doodling on tears.

BRILLIANT!


5. Watch cartoons and laugh!

YEAP, IM GONNA DO THAT!



Okay bye.
Hope I'll get better, H.O.P.E!
Cross fingers*

Life never changes.

Haven't had the best christmas but it's all gonna get better.. hopefully soon.
Life is so depressing and it suck, big time.

Hate it when life kept pushing me down.


Anyway I met up with natasha few days ago! WEEEE-
FINALLY MAN.
Didn't managed to spend much time together, aww man.
Met her to get Qx's birthday surprise gift, and she had to wait for me to rush home and put the stuff down ALONE.
Omg, HOW CAN I NOT LOVE THIS NOISY GIRLFRIEND OF MINE! HAHA.

& on christmas day, wenta town.
SAW NATASHA, YEAP I DID.
AT TAKA, SWEEEEEEE-

Rushed over like she's gonna run away and took 2 pictures with her.
Hahahahahahaha.
HONORED NOT NAT!

Cramped up in the sea of human, super frustrating.
Head off to pub later on with Qx, perry and co.
Count down-ed and stayed there till 3plus am.

Walk about with perry's drunk friends, lol.
Waited for them to get over their drunk-nessity and we head off.
Went back to yishun at about 6plus.

Reached yishun at about 7plus.
Ate and all.


Home to sleep.
Then the rest of the day was bad, pure bad.

Yeap, bad christmas.
Kinda sad but it's kinda meant to be, so yea.. Been bad for years.
What to do, life~ Roll eyes*


Okay don't wish to remind myself and get back to my crybaby self.
Bye world!

MERRRRRRY BELATED CHRISTMAS!

& really sorry to p6es that I didn't countdown with you guy!
SORRRRY!

Hope you guys enjoyed (: